Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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