were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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