Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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