just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
