Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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