I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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