o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
