Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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