yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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