I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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