just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
