That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
