So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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