Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
