We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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