I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
