We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
