..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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