she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
