so explain again why im purple
no
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
