So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
