Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
