Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
