The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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