miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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