i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
