I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
