My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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