just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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