jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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