i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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