The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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