we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
