Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
