And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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