I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
