Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
