In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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