is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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