I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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