I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
