Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
