I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
