the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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