Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
