just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
