Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
