eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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