i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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