i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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