I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
