trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
