I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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