Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
