My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
