It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
