Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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